Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I need moral support for this bender
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
