I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
