My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
