She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
