I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
