I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
