i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
