I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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