I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
