Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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