I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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