I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
