I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
