I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
