I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
