She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
