the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
