Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
