Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
