I heard we made out
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
