I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
