So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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