i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
