I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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