HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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