Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
