I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
