Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
