I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
