I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
