Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
