But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
