I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
