just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
