I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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