apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
