put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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