I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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