I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
