so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
