If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
