I faked an abortion last night.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
