I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
