nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
