This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
