This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
