i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
