i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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