That's when you crack a 10am beer
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
