just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
