I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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