You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
