I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
