WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
