i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
